The Ballad of Passions
by writer writing
Summary: Kid saves a young man from a lynching and the Coles promise to see him safely to his destination. Hard questions arise when they discover the reason he was almost lynched: he's a boy who wrestles with unnatural passions. 1842. AU. Thirteenth in a series.
1. Chapter 1

Kid Cole and Sister Ruth had the ease of taking the train back to St. Louis after they safely delivered the brides to San Francisco, and they found themselves across from some very interesting traveling companions.

"I'm Walt Whitman. This is my friend, Pete Doyle."

The Coles introduced themselves as well.

Not much of poetry readers, they'd never heard of Walt before. And Walt not being from the west, had never heard of them. So they had no preconceived impressions of each other; they were simply strangers making conversation.

"Why are you fine people going to St. Louis?" Walt asked.

"We live there though we're hardly ever home. We travel a lot, you see," Ruth explained. Her hand went over top Kid's. "But I imagine we'll be sticking closer to home in the future."

"I am just visiting the fair city. I shall soon call New Jersey home. I'm going to stay with my brother. My health has deteriorated so that I can't live alone."

"I'm sorry to hear that," she said genuinely. "I'm a faith healer. Have you tried letting Jesus heal you?"

"It's a thought and maybe not out of the question. Though I'm not what most might call a Christian, I accept all religions as true."

"That's kind of out of the ordinary, ain't it? It may be true that there are bits of truth embedded in other religions, but it's not possible for them all to be right. Jesus says 'No one comes to the Father except by me.' That excludes other religions from being able to get to God and you can't possibly think that statement's true if you think other religions are true too."

"I can tell you enjoy a good argument," he said with a glimmer of amusement. He'd carefully sidestepped a response.

"Not really. I prefer it when people agree with me," she said, returning the humor with humor.

He laughed appreciatively.

"I'll pray for your healing, but I can't help you call on Jesus if you haven't trusted Him as your one and only Savior."

"That's alright. It was a nice thought." He looked at Pete. "Lovely little town Colorado Springs was. Such a beautiful place. I miss it already." He looked back at Ruth, remembering her saying they traveled a lot. "Have you been there?"

"A few times. We have some friends there. Dr. Michaela Quinn and Sully. You heard of them?"

"Heard of them? Why Dr. Mike treated me for my condition while I was there."

"She's a good doctor," Kid said. "I speak from experience. Helped me with my consumption. She refuses to give up on a patient even when common sense would say to."

"Indeed. She's the one who convinced me I should send for Pete to make this journey more pleasant and bearable." Walt patted Pete's knee affectionately. It could have been interpreted as a fatherly gesture, but the intimate look that passed between them said differently.

"I think we should find other seats," Kid said to Ruth. "I don't like facing backwards."

She looked at him funny. He'd never cared which way they sat before. He wasn't prone to motion sickness that she knew of.

Kid knew she hadn't caught onto the unorthodox relationship the men shared. She wasn't exactly naive, she frequented saloons in order to share the gospel, but this wasn't a situation one ran across everyday.

He leaned over and whispered in her ear the truth of the matter as delicately as he could.

 _May 1842_

When Sister Ruth and Kid Cole pulled into Taos, a town in Mexican territory, a big crowd was already gathered in the streets. Either a show was going on or a lynching.

As they got closer, it proved to be a lynching and the one they were hanging was a terrified teen.

"Oh, Lord. He's practically a boy, Kid. What could he have done?"

"I don't know, but I know this boy didn't have no fair trial. It's got all the earmarks of a mob."

He handed Ruth the reins and jumped down and away from the wagon, so if he was shot at for what he was about to do, it would be away from his family.

Ruth turned towards the children in the back. "Stay down, Mercy. Keep your brother down too."

Not an easy task as Isaiah wasn't fond of being touched without it being on his own terms, and being only 1, he didn't understand the gravity of the situation, but Mercy didn't back down from her task of keeping him pinned to the floor of the wagon despite his squirming and cries of protest.

Kid shot into the air to grab the crowd's attention. It was a mixed crowd of Hispanics, whites, and Indian wives. They turned together as if they were one giant, seething beast. "What's his crime? I'm willing to make it right if I can."

They obviously thought he was a lunatic and ignored him. One of the men kicked the crates out from under the boy's feet, so the rope would snap his neck, but Kid shot the rope and the kid fell to the dusty street mostly unharmed except for maybe a sore backside.

"As I was trying to say," Kid said, "if he's stolen something, I'll pay for it."

"And if he'd stolen something, we'd let you," said a man with a blonde mustache, who'd come closer to Kid and become the spokesperson for the mob.

"Well, has he killed somebody?" The boy looked so pale and frightened Kid couldn't picture him as a killer.

"He's guilty of a crime against nature. Against God."

"So he broke no law on the books. What gives you the right to hang him then?"

"I've got every right," said the blonde-mustached man, stepping even closer, so that he was now only a foot from Kid, and drawing his own gun. "I'm his pa. What he's done is unspeakable in the presence of all theses ladies, but trust me when I say he deserves to hang."

Kid continued to hold his gun on the father of the condemned. "But they're not too delicate to watch him hang? What's wrong with banishing him? I'd see that he got to another town."

"Banishment's too good for him. Just who do you think you are anyway?" the man asked.

"Kid Cole."

"Well, look here, Mr. Cole...Did you say Kid Cole?"

Kid's hard expression didn't change, nor did his gun waiver, but the other man lowered his gun as Kid said, "I did."

"Well, take him then," he said, putting the gun away altogether. He looked towards the wagon, taking note of his family. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

Kid ignored the man's comment and went to help the boy up. A nice-looking young man with hair a shade or two lighter than his pa's and baby blue eyes.

Kid didn't speak to him until he was in the back of the wagon with Mercy and Isaiah and they were heading away from Taos. "What's your name, son?"

"Pleasant."

"Well, Pleasant. You got any plans?"

"No, sir. Um, don't you have business here?" he asked.

"I doubt we'd receive a very warm welcome after saving you though I can't think of a place that needs revival more," Ruth said with a kind smile that showed she wasn't sorry they'd rescued him. "We're heading further westward towards the coast."

"Then that's where I'll go as far west as I can get," Pleasant said. "I mean if you don't mind me traveling with you all that way."

Pleasant's father's warning still echoed in his mind, but he pushed it away. Whatever he'd done, he hadn't hurt anybody. "Of course we don't mind."


	2. Chapter 2

Pleasant lived up to his name and was not a burden by any means. He helped Ruth with the cooking and he helped Kid with the horses. He used "yes ma'am, no ma'am" and "yes sir and no sir" unfailingly. A more respectful 16-year-old couldn't have been found. He even took time to speak with the children.

Mercy was working very hard at learning to write her name. Right now her writing looked like something a chicken might have scratched haphazardly in the dust, but she practiced at it everyday and it was coming along.

"That's pretty good," Pleasant said, looking at the small slate and chalk. "You'll be writing the whole alphabet before you know it."

Mercy glowed under a stranger's praise and encouragement.

Which all added up to making his crime all the more puzzling. "I wonder what it was he did that they thought deserved hanging. He's so polite and helpful. You can tell he's a good kid," Ruth said to Kid when they were standing alone together.

"My guess is he was messing around with a married woman. If she'd been single, they could've just gotten him to marry her."

"That seems the most reasonable explanation," she agreed. "But listen to us standing here and speculating, creating a wild story. It could be much simpler and more innocent than that."

"Could be."

That evening, Kid drove the stakes into the ground to tie the horses to, so the animals could have a chance to graze, and Pleasant tied the knots.

Kid squatted down for a closer inspection. He stood back up and patted Pleasant on the shoulder. "That's a good job. I never seen a knot tied that way, but it's right sturdy."

He looked intensely embarrassed by Kid's touch. "My grandfather was a ship captain. I learned it from him."

"You'll have to teach it to me before you go."

Pleasant didn't go to sleep right after supper though he sat on the pile of blankets he'd been given as if it were his intention. He stared forlornly at the rugged, snow-capped mountains, reflecting red in the setting sun like the blood of Christ for which the Sangre de Christo mountain range was named.

"He seems so unhappy," Ruth clucked in a motherly fashion and she was old enough to be his mother.

"Well, he's got a right to be, I guess. His own pa just tried to hang him and who knows how bad the trouble was that got him in that mess to begin with."

"He's just so young. I hate the thought of him being forced to fend for himself with nobody he knows around for support."

"I struck out on my own when I was 16 and I did alright. Some younger than that are forced out into the world."

"Yeah, but you knew how to take care of yourself and look at all the mistakes you made because of your youth. Does he look like he's got the grit for watching out for himself?"

"I reckon he doesn't look like he does, but looks can be deceiving."

"I'll talk to him and see what I can get out of him and maybe when he helps you water the horses in the morning, you could talk to him too?"

Kid did want to talk to him to see if he could find the reason for the crowd's anger. It was eating at him in spite of himself. Maybe he wouldn't have thought about it so much if he was a single man, but he had Mercy and Isaiah to think about. "Sure. Be glad to."

Ruth sat down beside Pleasant. She didn't say anything right away. She just admired the beauty of the sunset with him.

Pleasant spoke first. "Why'd Mr. Cole save me when he didn't even know me or what I'd done?"

"That's what it means to love your neighbor. And he'd rather you just call him Kid."

"He wouldn't have if he'd known why they were hanging me," he said with absolute surety.

"That's nonsense. Ain't nothing you could've done that God can't forgive you of if you ask Him."

"I should tell you both what it is. You'd leave me sitting right here though."

"I don't believe that, but you go ahead and tell us when you're good and ready."

"You're very kind," he said, trying to work up a smile but failing.

"Hey, listen, you got anybody you know outside of Taos that we can take you to? I'd feel better if we dropped you with someone."

He shrugged as teenagers were prone to do. "I do have a widowed aunt in Albuquerque, but what if Pa writes to her and tells her? She won't want me if he does."

"That's not too far south from here if I remember the map correctly. I think it'd be a good idea to try. We could always travel on if need me." She'd noticed his eyes kept dropping to the Bible beside her during the course of their conversation. "You want to read it? I don't mind loaning it to you."

He shook his head. "I just want to get to Albaquerque or wherever it is I end up."

She thought about giving him a hug as he looked like he needed one, but she didn't want to make him any jumpier than he was already. "I'll let you get some sleep then."

Mercy and Isaiah slept in the wagon. Kid had pitched a tent to give him and Ruth their privacy and Pleasant slept on the other side of the wagon under the stars.

Sometime around midnight a heavy thud woke Kid and Ruth. Kid quickly crawled out of the tent, not knowing exactly what he'd find. What he found was another teenager beating up Pleasant.

The boy didn't appear to have a weapon other than his fists, but he was making good use of them and dealing out hard blows. Pleasant just lay there, taking it.

Kid hauled to boy off of Pleasant. "Stop it. Stop it, I said. Do you really want to commit murder?"

Ruth had crawled out of the tent too by this time and used a blanket to cover her nightwear. She watched from a distance.

"You bet I do. He corrupted my brother. My pa wouldn't have killed him if it hadn't been for him. I won't let him get away with it." The boy sounded close to tears though he spoke in anger.

"I don't know the whole story, but I know we all choose our own paths. Your brother included." The boy only glared at Kid viciously. "Now I suggest you go home or I've got a pair of handcuffs I can use to haul you in and I know people in and around Santa Fe, who would be only too glad to do me a favor by locking you up until you see reason."

The boy turned a murderous glare towards Pleasant. His anger wasn't appeased by a long shot, but he got up on his horse and headed back the way he came.

Ruth went over to Pleasant to see how badly he was injured. His nose was bloodied, one eye was swollen shut, and there was a knot growing on his left cheek. She used the corner of her blanket top wipe off some of the fresh blood. "Is anything broke?"

He shook his head.

"Why didn't you fight back or at least cry out? Were you going to let that fellow kill you?" she asked.

Pleasant shrugged.

"Well, I can tell you one thing," Kid said. "You better learn to fight or shoot or both."

He didn't have anything to say to that either.

"Unless, I miss my guess that boy will be back sooner or later," Kid said. "And you're going to be ready for it if I have anything to say about it."


	3. Chapter 3

Pleasant's face looked even worse in the daylight.

Mercy, who could've slept through the apocalypse, was shocked by it. "What happened to him, Momma?"

"Nothing you need to worry about. He'll be alright," Ruth answered as she rushed to keep the toddling Isaiah from getting a splinter as he was running his hands up and down the rough wooden wheel.

"Which reminds me," Kid said to Pleasant. "Let's go practice shooting before breakfast."

"Can I learn to shoot too?" Mercy asked eagerly, her light auburn braids bouncing as she jumped up and down.

Kid looked at Ruth, who shook her head vehemently.

"When you're a little older," Kid promised, flicking one of her braids playfully.

She was disappointed and watched them walk away from the wagon to get out in the open, but Ruth soon distracted her by asking her to "read" to Isaiah while she got breakfast. Though she couldn't read yet, she could make up a whopper of a story to go with the pictures that was almost more entertaining than the story itself.

"You ever fired a gun before?" Kid asked.

He shook his head. "Pa did all the hunting. I just did the cooking. My ma died before I can remember."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Kid started with the basics like how to load the gun and all about gun safety before he finally got around to showing him how to hold it.

"You should start with 2 hands. That's going to give you your best shot. So like this."

He put his right hand high on the grip, wrapping his last 3 fingers solidly around the base. "You want to keep it firm, but don't hold it in a death grip either." He used his left hand to cover the rest of the grip.

"Now you try," Kid said, passing the unloaded gun to him. Pleasant didn't have all his fingers in the right position and Kid shifted his fingers into the right places for him, which made the teen flinch.

"Doesn't feel right, does it? Holding it like that. But this is the best way to shoot."

Pleasant held it much too loosely. Kid put his hands over his to show him the right amount of firmness, causing the boy to drop his gun.

"You okay?" Kid asked.

Pleasant was a flaming red, but he nodded.

Kid picked his gun up and put it in his holster. "Let's work on throwing some punches then. Let me see your fist."

"I really don't think I want to fight, Mr. Cole."

"Call me, Kid. This is your life we're talking about, son. It's okay to defend yourself. Show me your fist."

Pleasant reluctantly lifted a arm up and balled it into a fist.

"Not bad, but don't hold your fist so tight. You're more likely to injure yourself with an overly tight fist."

He quickly loosened as if he was afraid Kid would touch him again.

"Better. Now throw a punch at me."

He did, but he stopped short of actually touching Kid.

"Actually make contact. Don't put everything you got into it, of course, but it'll help when the real situation comes along if you start landing them now."

Pleasant threw a slow punch that barely brushed his shoulder. The lesson was obviously making him uncomfortable. There was something about touch he didn't like.

Kid decided to give him a break. "Maybe that's enough for today. I'm sure Sister Ruth wouldn't mind your help finishing breakfast up."

Pleasant's shoulders drooped with relief and he practically flew to Ruth. Kid watched him carefully while he cooked. He obviously knew his way around a kitchen or a campfire in this case like he'd said. That heavy air still clung to him, but he was much more relaxed with Ruth. You couldn't help feeling sorry for him. It was like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He hoped the boy's aunt would have the kindness to take him in.

"You're a wonderful help," Ruth said to Pleasant when it was all ready. "You mind if I hug you?"

He shook his head and let her hug him.

Kid stole Ruth away to ask her about it as soon as he was able. "He didn't flinch when you touched him, but he acted like I was hurting him while we were practicing every time I came near him."

"He was a little stiff in my arms, but I've seen the way he looks at you and I think he kind of idolizes you. That's probably the trouble. And you know you can be a little intimidating. Not to me, of course, but to those who don't know you well."

"Maybe it is that or maybe his pa was a little rough on him. He certainly seem the type to knock a kid around."

"That's possible. Well, he'll be okay now. Like you said he's been through an ordeal and last night didn't make it any better. It'll take time."

It happened to be Sunday. Kid, Ruth, Isaiah, and Mercy usually got in their best clothes on, whether they were in a church building or not, but Ruth figured Pleasant would be more comfortable if they didn't, since all the clothes he had was the ones on his back. Mercy and Isaiah were oblivious to the change of routine.

"I reckon it's time we have Sunday service," she announced when they went back over.

They had gotten Mercy a picture Bible for Christmas. It had stories from the Old and New Testament and lots of interesting pictures. She ran and got it in preparation for their family worship service, almost looking like a miniature version of her mother with the big book in her arms.

"We're going to read about Noah today," Ruth began when they were all seated on one of the bench they'd brought out. She opened her Bible to Genesis.

"Do I have that one, Daddy?" Mercy asked hopefully as she flipped through the pages at a frantic pace, looking hard for a boat.

"I think you just might. Let me help you, honey." Kid shifted Isaiah to one leg and found it for her.

Seeing they were all ready, Ruth read, "And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the Lord that He had made man on the earth, and it grieved Him at His heart."

Pleasant squirmed like a fish on a hook.

She paused to give explanation to Mercy, but it looked like Pleasant might need some explaining done too. "See the Lord wasn't as angry as He was sad by the bad choices the people were making because we are His children made to be like Him. He loves us too much to hate us because of our sin. It hurts the heart of our Father in heaven when we choose to completely give ourselves over to sin because we're in effect saying we don't care what He thinks or wants and that means we're not loving and worshipping Him like we should. He saw that He had to destroy all the men and animals because choices, good or bad, come with consequences. God is merciful, but He's also just."

Mercy was intent on the message. She was waiting patiently for the exciting parts.

"But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord," Ruth said.

"I know what comes next! He told Noah to make a boat!" Mercy called out.

Ruth smiled and agreed wither her and read it from the Bible. A couple chapters later, Ruth finished with, "And the Lord said in His heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done. While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease."

"And then He made a rainbow!" Mercy said unable to contain her excitement at being so well-acquainted with this particular story.

"So He did. To remind us He would never flood the earth like that again and God is good because He always has and always will keep that promise even when we don't always come through with our promises." Ruth smiled wide at her daughter. "Maybe you should tell the story next time."

She laughed. "No, Mama. I like when you tell it."

Ruth laughed with her. "You do, do you?" She sobered a little when she saw Pleasant looking sadder than he had before they'd started. She prayed Kid was able to get out of him the sin that must have had him bogged down when they had their talk, so Ruth could show him in the Bible that whatever it was it wasn't unforgivable.


	4. Chapter 4

They stopped in a one-horse town about halfway between Taos and Albuquerque. Despite its smallness, it did have a general store, and a barber/bath house right across from each other.

"You don't want to show up to your aunt's, looking like something the cat drug in," Ruth said to Pleasant. "I'll get you some fabric to make you some clothes to give you a good spare set and you go take advantage of the barber, our treat."

"You don't have to do that," Pleasant insisted.

"But we want to," Kid said in a way that said he would brook no arguments.

"I'll take the children with me into the general store and get what we need," Ruth said. "You can go with Pleasant. I'm sure we'll be waiting in the wagon before ya'll are."

The barber was a slight man with a big, bushy handlebar mustache. He had no customers at the moment.

"How much for a haircut?" Kid asked.

"10 cents for a haircut and 5 cents for a bath, but first time customers get a bath free with a haircut."

"We'll certainly take advantage of that. The kid here could use a bath."

The upstairs was where the baths were. There was 3 bathtubs with ready water that was fresh from the pump out back. They were nice-looking white enamel tubs and the soap looked fancy too.

"Well, your aunt certainly won't be able to call you dirty. I'll wait for you in the waiting room we just come through.

"You're not going to take a bath?" Pleasant asked.

"Nah, the river and a bar of lye soap is fine for me and Sister Ruth cuts my hair. You enjoy though."

Kid shut the door and sat down in one of the 4 provided chairs. Somebody had left an old copy of the New York Tribune or the barber had put in there for waiting customers to peruse. Anyway despite it being an old copy, most of the news was new to Kid.

He was in the middle of reading about the Appropriation bill when a young cowboy, who looked as if he had at least an inch of dust everywhere on him but maybe his eyeballs, walked through to get to a bath. No doubt he'd just come off the trail.

It wasn't long after that when the barber came up with clothes and gave them to Kid. Ruth wasn't allowed to go upstairs, of course, but she had found ready-made clothes and had sent them up for Pleasant when she noticed through the window that he wasn't getting a haircut, naturally and correctly surmising he was taking a bath instead.

Kid went in without knocking since there were 2 of them in there. He was about to tell Pleasant about the new clothing, but he didn't even get the first syllable out.

Nothing was terribly out of the ordinary except for the fact that Pleasant was very distracted. Kid realized he was staring at the young cowboy and not casually but lustfully, and suddenly everything about the boy clicked.

He resisted the urge to pull him out of the filmy, grimy bathwater by the hair but said in an equally effective, sharp tone, "I think you'd better come along."

Kid dropped the new clothes into a pile on the floor and waited in the waiting room once more to give him time to get dressed and then he didn't look at him anymore after he came out. Just assumed he was following, which he was.

Pleasant was ashamed and afraid of what Kid was going to do now. His eyes stayed glued to the ground, clutching his old clothes like a lifeline, as he followed the legendary gunfighter. He wondered if Kid was going to send him back to Taos to finish facing justice.

Kid paid the nickel, the cost of a bath, to the barber instead of the 10 cents, the price of a haircut.

Out on the street, still not looking at him, Kid said in a low voice. "You know what that boy would've done if he'd caught you looking at him like that? Shot you probably. Men have been killed over less. Was that why they was going to hang you?"

He gave a contrite nod, trying to give a calm appearance but on the inside he was anything but. He had to consciously command his feet to keep walking towards the wagon. Then he realized it was Sister Ruth's reaction he feared the most, not because she would react the most violently but because she would be the most disappointed in him.

Ruth saw that Pleasant had on the new clothes that she would have to adjust to fit him just right, which was the trouble with ready-made clothes, but nonetheless it would save a lot of time; it was only minor alterations. You could definitely tell he'd had a bath, but it looked like he hadn't gotten the haircut, which wasn't a huge deal because Ruth could cut it if she had to though maybe not as well. She wondered though why he'd only gotten a bath and not gotten the haircut, the reason for going in the first place.

Pleasant didn't get into the back of the wagon with the children, but stood unsurely in the street.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Kid said to Ruth.

"I guess so," she climbed down from her perch. Kid took her elbow and moved away from the wagon just a little ways.

"I found out why the town wanted to lynch him," Kid said in his deep voice that had a way of making grim things seem grimmer.

She could tell from the look on his face it was bad. Worse than they'd feared. She could barely stand the suspense.

"The boy likes other boys," he said extra quietly, so Mercy wouldn't overhear.

"What?" Ruth asked, not quite understanding what he meant.

"He has unnatural passions for men."


	5. Chapter 5

"That's terrible," Ruth said. "Are you sure?"

"More than sure," Kid replied, "and he confirmed it when I asked him."

Ruth turned her head to the side, trying to absorb the knowledge that such a nice boy carried such a heavy burden of sin and then she prayed that God would give her the wisdom to deal with this unprecedented situation, or at least it was a novel circumstance to her.

"So what do think we should do?" Kid asked after he'd given her a few moments to think. "Leave him here?"

"No, I think we made a promise and we should see it through. He's still just a boy even if he's made some wrong choices. Let's pray his aunt will take him into her home in spite of everything."

"Are you saying we should just ignore it then? It goes against the Bible. I may not read scripture as frequently as you, but even I know that."

"No, I'm not saying to ignore it, but when we thought he might have been an adulterer, we didn't let it keep us from helping him. Why should now be any different just because the sin's less socially acceptable? God hates all sin. Lying with a man as one lies with a woman is called an abomination, but so is a proud look. So is a lying tongue. And the list goes on."

She was right; he knew she was right, but it still didn't feel right to let him travel with them. "But the kids. Mercy especially. Do you want her knowing about things like that?"

"Of course not, but I don't think he's going to tell them. He looks as if he's ready to sink into the ground and let the earth swallow him up."

Kid snuck a look at him. He couldn't disagree with that assessment.

Ruth smiled as she watched Mercy and Isaiah. They had gotten down from the wagon and Mercy was playfully chasing her baby brother, pretending she couldn't quite get him. Such innocence. Pleasant had been that innocent once. She wondered what had made him choose the path he had taken.

"Then I suppose it's on to Albuquerque," Kid said.

He took his post as the driver after he'd put Mercy and Isaiah back in. It was left to Ruth to tell Pleasant. "You better get in too," she said.

Pleasant blinked, not sure he'd head her right, but when she gave him a kind smile, he knew he had and he scrambled into the back as if he was afraid they were going to change their mind.

That evening, Pleasant moved to help Kid with the horses like usual.

"I can do it alone," Kid said gruffly, still not able to look at him directly.

"You can come help me," Ruth said. "I could certainly use an extra pair of hands."

The air between them was awkward as he worked on getting the fire going and she started mixing the ingredients for cornbread. Mercy and Isaiah were engrossed in a game of ball.

"I didn't ask to be this way," Pleasant said adamantly, breaking the ice. "I didn't choose these feelings I have."

"Of course you didn't," she said with true sympathy, stopping her stirring to make eye contact.

He was so surprised that she agreed with him that he was rendered speechless.

"If sin wasn't easy and didn't come natural, nobody'd do it. We're born into sin because of the curse. And everyone's temptations look a little different, but I imagine Christians aren't as above certain sins as we'd like to think. The right circumstances could produce in us a sin we'd have never thought we were capable of."

"What's the worst thing you ever done?" he asked, doubting she could match him.

"Well, I don't know about the worst thing, but I often struggle with anger."

"Anger's not so bad. Everyone gets angry."

"Maybe, but I probably struggle with it more than some and it is bad; we're commanded to refrain from anger because it leads to evil. There is such a thing as righteous anger, but only the Lord's anger is righteous all the time. And would it surprise you to know I came this close," she said, holding her fingertips together with very little space between them, "to getting to know an unmarried man in the biblical sense?"

It did surprise him. His eyes strayed to Kid in the distance, wondering if he was privy to that information.

"Don't worry. He knows. He was the unmarried man. We're married now, of course, but the temptation was strong. I think it was only by God's grace that I was able to resist."

Pleasant still didn't think that amounted to much, but he asked, "You think if I pray for them to, the feelings will go away?"

"No." She didn't even have to think about it.

He was stunned by her answer again. He thought preachers preached that everything could be solved with prayer.

"But I know the Lord would help you to bear your temptations and you'll find it gets easier the more you resist them. Don't forget that even our Lord Jesus was tempted. Temptations are not the sin, but acting on them is. It would certainly be easier if we were transformed immediately into saints, but that's not the way it works. We are called to sanctity and that means we got to fight our old sinful selves. Most times we win the battles when God makes us a new creature, but sometimes we loose them too, but the good news is that the war is won because of Christ Jesus and the debt He paid. He died for me and He died for you, knowing us for the sinners we are."

"So He won't take them away then. I'll fight against these feelings for the rest of my life?"

"I didn't say that either. You might meet a girl you love and have a family or maybe God called you to a life of singleness. I thought at one time that being single was the Lord's plan for me. No right or wrong either way. One thing's for sure, the Lord didn't make you this way. Sin made you this way and you got to choose to fight it. You may not have chosen the feelings, but you choose the actions you take."

"It just doesn't seem fair." His sudden and vigorous rubbing of the flint and steel in his hands produced a spark that grew into a flame as it fed on the tent of prepared wood.

"It ain't. Life's hard. It's a struggle from the cradle to the grave, but there's victory when we choose to run the race for the prize of eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

That sounded more like a preacher to his ears. "I don't know what to believe."

"When I don't know what to believe, I read the Good Book, and Romans is a good place to go when you're looking for direction from God." This time she gave him her Bible without asking if he wanted it.

He was afraid he would find condemnation in its pages, but Sister Ruth didn't seem to be condemning him. Would she recommend a book chocked full of judgment? They hadn't had a Bible in his house. The only time he heard the Bible was at church and the topics of the sermons were carefully selected. Never had he heard a sermon on the problem he struggled with as that would have been too indelicate a topic with ladies and children present.

He felt obligated to read it because of her kindness. He knew why he was still with them. Kid's reserved manner made it clear it hadn't been his idea. "Thank you."


	6. Chapter 6

Kid had gotten up early enough to catch trout in the river, 3 beauties whose speckled scales gleamed in the sunlight. They'd be having a fine breakfast.

Pleasant watched from a distance, still pretending to slumber, as Sister Ruth and Kid Cole interacted with each other. He couldn't hear all their conversation, but he heard it when Ruth thanked him for the provision. He saw the whispered 'I love yous' between them as they shared a good morning kiss. They laughed over something and the laughter sounded like pure joy.

But even when they knew they were being watched, they were affectionate with each other. They held hands or they sat very near each other. He envied them for the open love they were able to share. No one would look sideways at them for sharing a romantic kiss with the person they loved.

Mercy and Isaiah had been woken by their parents' laughter and now they were up too. Getting closer to look at and touch the slimy fish. He almost envied the children too because he wished he'd had parents like that, a father who was loving, a mother who was there. Maybe he would have turned out differently if he had.

He sat up, but he didn't join them. He opened the Bible to the book of Romans.

He didn't quite make it through the first chapter though. He got stuck on these verses:

 **"** And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient."

Reason told him the other 14 chapters had to get better, more hopeful. Sister Ruth wouldn't have recommended a book that would only bring him further down, but saying God gave them over made it sound as if He was washing His hands of men who burned with lust for other men.

Of course, he couldn't ignore the why He would because they didn't retain God in their knowledge. He hadn't thought a lot about God and he certainly hadn't been thinking about Him when he'd kissed his best friend. He couldn't claim ignorance. He'd known better deep down, had an idea of what God would think about it, and he hadn't cared about anything but his own passion. Hadn't even cared what it would mean if they were caught.

He made eye contact with Sister Ruth who saw him awake and reading. He imagined she'd known quite well that Romans so directly addressed the nature of his sin. He looked to the maroon woolen blanket at his feet to keep from looking at her piercing blue eyes. Was she, in fact, condemning him after all?

sss

Kid's hand glided over Ruth's womanly curves and his lips grazed the delicate skin of her temple that night.

Though she was warmed by his touch, this was one of the few times of the day they had to talk with any privacy. "It ain't catching, you know."

He froze, his hand coming to a stop on her thinly clad waist. "What ain't?"

"Pleasant's problem."

That killed the mood completely and he drew his hand back. "That's not why I'm avoiding him."

"Well, why are you then?"

"I just don't understand it. I don't know why a red-blooded boy would chose another man over a woman. It-he makes me uncomfortable."

"Are you worried he's attracted to you?"

"Ruth!" he sat up, his head almost knocking the tent over.

"I can't speak for Pleasant, of course, but I don't think he is. I think he's become afraid of you more than anything and no wonder with you acting like a grizzly bear."

"I can't help that I feel uncomfortable around him."

"It might go away if you spend some time with him. Why'd you stop his fighting lessons?"

"He didn't like them anyway," he mumbled, laying back down and turning away in hopes she would take the hint.

She didn't. She scooted in closer and lay a cool hand on his arm, creating an agreeable friction with the way she stroked his forearm and she laid her soft cheek on his shoulder. "If you won't continue them for him, continue them for me. You know he needs them. That other boy wasn't playing around."

Ruth didn't fight fair. Not one little bit. He rolled back over so that he was facing her and sighed. "If it'll make you happy."

She gave him a wide smile and communicated her happiness with a kiss, curving her hand around his neck and melding her body against his.

Nope, she definitely didn't fight fair, Kid thought, but then again if he was honest, he really rather liked her methods.


	7. Chapter 7

The second chapter of Romans didn't get any better. It reminded the reader that God's kindness was meant to draw a person to repentance, not to overlook any and all wickedness, and there was mention of God's wrath for those who were self-seekers, rejecting truth for evil, and Him repaying people according to what they'd done.

Which spelled bad news to Pleasant. He was a self-seeker. He had rejected truth for evil. And God was going to repay him for it. What did that mean? With hellfire? He couldn't read anymore. He was afraid to find out.

These dark thought were swirling around in his head when Kid broke through them with a sharp, "Let's go."

Sister Ruth hadn't finished making breakfast yet, so he clearly wasn't talking about going somewhere in the wagon, but Kid Cole's body language clearly communicated that he didn't want to converse from his clenched jaw muscles to his stiff, rapid walk. So he followed silently.

"Defend yourself," Kid warned when he finally turned around.

Pleasant's knees buckled. There was no one in sight. No witnesses. What would Sister Ruth say to this, but then she hadn't stopped them from leaving in the first place though she must have seen them going.

Kid just grew more irritated with him if that were possible. "Man up, boy. I'm not going to kill you. This wasn't my idea, it was Sister Ruth's. She still thinks you need to be able to defend yourself."

Relief flooded through him before a different kind of dread returned. These lessons were going to be more uncomfortable than ever.

Kid landed a punch in his side, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to take his breath away.

"Your 'friend' isn't going to wait around for you to be ready. Keep your arms up. block my hits."

Pleasant barely got his arms up before Kid hit again. This time the other side. And so the lesson continued until Ruth called out that breakfast was ready. Words that had never sounded sweeter to Pleasant. He was going to be bruised he knew if he wasn't already.

Kid was also happy to hear the call to breakfast. He hadn't meant to be quite so hard on the boy, but he really didn't know what to say to him anymore and what he had said had been true. His attacker wasn't going to pull any punches. Perhaps, he'd go back to simply teaching him to use a gun. No doubt that was going to be his best bet.

Ruth was beaming at Kid, obviously proud of him, which compounded the slight feeling of guilt he had over not being just a bit kinder. Ruth would say that was the Holy Ghost convicting him of his sin and maybe He was. But he could see that Pleasant was more sorry they'd found out than sorry he'd done it in the first place and so a small part of him still felt justified in his attitude towards him, wrong or not. He wasn't even sure that a sodomite, named after the infamous city of Sodom for obvious reasons, would ever seek true repentance.

sss

There was no town just a church. It had probably a mission for the Indians in early Spanish colonial days. Buggies, wagons, and horses were parked around the building on the extra warm Sunday. Kid parked their wagon too.

"Won't we be late?" Pleasant asked, worried about being the center of attention though they couldn't possibly read his sin on his person.

"Better to be late than to not come at all," Ruth answered. There seemed to be a deeper, spiritual meaning behind her words, but Pleasant was too busy fighting his nervousness to reflect on it.

A few in the crowd turned their heads when the door opened but most stayed focused on the sermon as the family found a place in the back.

They weren't terribly late from the sound of things. It sounded as if the preacher was just getting warmed up.

Isaiah snuggled between his parents, clutching his favorite blanket, and went back to sleep. Mercy sat restlessly on Ruth's other side. And Pleasant sat on Mercy's other side.

Mercy's squirming caused her foot to hit her mother's calf and she quickly apologized. An apology Ruth accepted.

She remembered how it was when she was Mercy's age. The sermon mostly went over your head and it was practically inhuman to ask a child of such few years to sit perfectly still for an hour or more. Heck, Ruth wasn't sure she could sit perfectly still now, not because she didn't enjoy the sermon but because she was just a naturally energetic person. She always cut her daughter some slack during church service unlike a lot of parents as long as she didn't become disruptive to the people around her.

Mercy would mostly just swing her legs or fiddle with the lace on her dress or flip through her picture Bible; nothing too disruptive. Ruth's way of coping with her childhood boredom had been to tease her brothers and sisters. Mercy channeled her energy in a much more acceptable fashion.

Kid fell asleep about 3 quarters of the way through the sermon. Ruth had to nudge him awake.

"Amen," he said out loud as if he'd only been praying.

No one fell for it, least of all Ruth. "Not too many people snore when they pray," she whispered to him full of amusement.

He cleared his throat and pretended he hadn't heard her.

If the preacher had seen Kid sleeping, he didn't say anything on the way out. Just shook their hands and invited them back, but Ruth explained they were only passing through.

"Good things never happen when you fall asleep. At least, they never did in the Bible," she said to Kid playfully when they were well away from the church. She wasn't annoyed with him. She knew his coughing had kept him up last night and so he really hadn't been able to help his dozing.

"Yeah, Adam fell asleep and woke up with a wife," he said, also teasing.

"I was thinking more along the lines of the fellow that fell asleep in church next to an open window and got killed."

"That's why I never sit next to a window in church. Besides, Paul revived him. I'm sure you could revive me."

"Paul had a greater gift of healing than me."

Mercy had been thinking hard about something. She must have been listening closer than Ruth had guessed and had heard something in the sermon that confused her. The sermon had been on forgiveness. "Do you know what it means to forgive?" Ruth asked her.

"It means to love somebody even when they're not being nice."

"That's a good way of putting it," Ruth said.

"Momma, how many times is seven times seven?"

So that's what she'd been thinking about. "I think you mean seventy times seven. Well, let's figure it out. Get your slate."

She could have done it in her head, but Mercy was working on recognizing numbers, so she wrote it and said it out loud for the benefit of her daughter.

"490," she said, relating the final number.

"I can't even count that high. How can I 'member that?" Mercy asked.

"Jesus doesn't mean for you to. Even a normal adult is going to lose track of how many times they've forgiven long before they get that high. The point is, honey, that however many times you think you should forgive someone it's even more than that. God forgives us many, many times. We can do no less for our brothers and sisters." She looked at Pleasant. "And there ain't nothing that can't be forgiven."

"Nothing?" Mercy asked.

"Well, there is one thing that God can't overlook." She was still looking at Pleasant and his heart pounded with fear of her coming words. "Not asking to be forgiven because you're not sorry and you don't want anything to do with Him. You got to ask for forgiveness through Jesus Christ and if you do, He won't withhold His mercy and grace because of His great love."

Mercy still hadn't noticed her mother wasn't really talking to her and she gave a wholehearted, faith-filled "Amen!" that would have taught any amen corner a thing or two.

A deep part of Pleasant wanted to add his amen to the little girl's, but his fear and his sin kept him chained.


	8. Chapter 8

"I was noticing our ax handle is loose," Ruth mentioned to Pleasant. "I was wondering if you might could do us a favor and fix it? We've got a nail for it." Kid could have taken care of it, but she was doing everything she could to make him feel useful and wanted.

"I can't." He didn't know the first thing about fixing a loose handle.

"Not feminine enough for you?" Kid asked mockingly.

He flushed in embarrassment, but as hard as he reddened, Sister Ruth turned redder. Only her coloring didn't stem from embarrassment. Sister Ruth was mad. He could see the temper she'd spoken about and he didn't envy Kid at all right now.

"We need to talk now," she said in a low, controlled voice.

Nothing could get Ruth's anger going like someone showing unkindness. It was the thing she had the least patience and understanding for. She was planning on lambasting Kid good too because they kept going until they were out of sight and hearing range.

Pleasant kept the kids occupied with a magic trick he'd learned from his friend, which simply consisted of pretending to pull a coin from behind their ear. When they got tired of that, they ran around getting their energy out. Necessary when you spent most your day in a wagon. He was tempted to join them.

He didn't though and set to having things packed up and ready to go. He almost didn't see the animal at first, but it didn't exactly try to hide its presence.

The black bear was thin and sluggish, which meant it had just woken up from hibernation recently and it was hungry. The small size of a toddler especially made Isaiah a tempting, easy target.

The horses grew skittish. He hoped their stakes would hold because he had no time to worry about them.

It was slowly lumbering towards them, giving hope that maybe it was only curious, but there was an intentness in his movements that didn't erase Pleasant's fear.

The bear raised its snout and sniffed the air. Perhaps it smelled the fish bones from their breakfast, but when it resumed moving, it wasn't towards the campfire where the bones lay. It was towards the children.

He had to think fast. His eyes fell a small gray rock. He picked it up and threw it, hoping to deter the bear, but the bear was in attack mode and kept advancing with only a single swat of the air as if the rock had been a pesky fly.

"Mercy, b-back away very slowly," he said as softly as possible so as not to startle the bear. "You and your brother take cover in the wagon." He wondered if she had heard him until she grabbed her brother's hand who was not far from her reach and took a small step backwards.

But Isaiah didn't understand the wisdom of moving slowly from a large animal that he was very afraid of and he pulled out of her grasp and ran, which only caused the bear to break out into a run too, eager for his prey.

Pleasant picked up a stick from the ground in desperation. It made a pitiful weapon, but it was all he had. There was hope though. Bears were less inclined to attack a man of his height, especially one putting up a fight.

It stopped running when he got into its path, but it didn't retreat. He yelled at it, hoping to scare it off.

Mercy had managed to get a hold of her brother and lug him up into the wagon. Pleasant was prepared to fight though he didn't want to. He kept hoping Kid would come and use his gun on it.

That's when he saw Kid had left his gun, a sparkle of light caused by a moving sun had alerted him to its presence. Why Kid had left it he didn't know because it normally never left his hip, but then Ruth had had him distracted. A lucky break for them.

He moved cautiously, not wanting the bear to break into a run again, until the cool metal rod was in his shaking hands.

He forced himself to hear Kid's directions in his head. Aim, breathe in, steady not tense ( a task in itself as the bear was moving towards him now), slowly pull back the trigger, and fire. Exhale.

He lucked out and hit the beast in one of its front legs, but it wasn't enough. Letting out a bawling sound from the pain, the bear picked up speed angrier than ever now that it had been hurt.

He fired again. He wasn't sure what he was aiming for as it happened so fast, but this time he got its head and it crumpled to the ground.

Kid and Ruth had heard the noise and were now in sight, running towards them. They quickly took stock of the situation. Ruth went to make sure Mercy and Isaiah were alright.

Kid stood in front of Pleasant almost disbelievingly. "You saved my children's lives."

"And you saved mine. It was the least I could do."

For the first time since finding out, Kid saw the person and not the sin.

Ruth had already chastised him that if he made him feel as if his sin were more unforgivable, he would be less likely to come to Christ. It was their sacred duty to represent the love of Christ in truth and kindness. Kid had thought Pleasant's salvation to be unlikely though he'd agreed to be nicer to him to keep the peace. But it turned out, it was Pleasant who had showed kindness to him by protecting Mercy and Isaiah.

Ruth was hugging the children tight though Isaiah squirmed to get away. "Well, on the bright side, it looks as if we'll be having bear for lunch and supper."


	9. Chapter 9

"It occurred to me I never said thank you for protecting my children, so thank you," Kid said to Pleasant that evening.

"Still sorry you rescued me?" he asked, fearing the answer was yes.

Kid shoved his hands in his pockets, not at all comfortable conversing with him, but knowing he should. "If I'd known why they were hanging you, I would've still saved you. Might not've taken you all this way, but I would've at least helped you that much. That crowd didn't care about righteousness or justice."

It wasn't exactly a hearty extension of friendship from Kid, but it was honest and his manner was more humble than before.

"Anyway," Kid continued, "I'm sorry for giving you the cold shoulder. I don't approve of what got you in that mess, but I don't have the right to look down on you because of it. I've done some things I'm not proud of in my lifetime and God forgave me."

"Thank you, sir," Pleasant said and he was grateful. The apology hadn't come easy for Kid, he knew.

Kid gave a quick nod of acknowledgement and turned away to play with the children to end the awkwardness more than anything else, but Pleasant didn't mind.

The bear meat was already sizzling over the fire and Sister Ruth sat on one of the wooden benches. When she saw Pleasant, she patted the place beside her. "Sit down. Tell me your story."

"My story?"

"I want to know about your life before. I want to know about you."

He knew she was inviting him to talk about Edwin or anything else he wanted to talk about. Still, it took him some time to gather his courage after he sat down. "He was my friend. We-we fell in love."

Her kind look didn't disappear with the confession and the words were soon pouring out of him like water bursting forth from a dam. He told her everything. How the attraction had began at 13. How he'd finally gotten the nerve to give Edwin a kiss last year and though Edwin had been confused at first, he hadn't told on him. And their relationship had progressed to regular kissing sessions though it was just shy of actual relations, but he was sure given time, it would have gotten that far.

She listened. She didn't turn away in disgust or shock. She simply listened to him in a loving manner, wanting to understand him, wanting to help.

Then he told her of how Edwin's father had caught them expressing their passion for one another. Edwin had shouted for him to run and he had, but his friend had died at his own father's hands and Pleasant's own pa had turned him over for a public hanging when he'd found out. But he had escaped the noose. Was it any wonder Edwin's brother wanted to kill him?

"I'm so sorry about your friend," she said with real warmth and sorrow.

"What's so wrong with 2 people loving each other?" Pleasant asked. It wasn't a statement, but a genuine question.

"Romantic love is wrong when it happens outside of God's design like married people falling in love with someone who ain't their spouse or a Christian falling in love with and marrying an unbeliever. Any plan apart from God's is eventually going to end in unhappiness. Commandments are as much for our sake as not. A parent who doesn't give any rules but always gives into their child's desires doesn't love as much as a parent that has rules for their child's protection however their child feels about them."

"I suppose."

"And loving anyone whether it's a parent, spouse, or child more than God is wrong and if you do love God that much, you will want to keep His commandments."

His shoulders slumped in defeat. The words she spoke rang true. "I guess a small part of me did know it was wrong. I just didn't want to hear it."

She didn't look shocked by that confession either. "How's your reading of Romans coming?"

"I got through the first two chapters."

"That's good, but the third chapter is when it really starts looking up. Can I?" she asked, pointing at her Bible.

He nodded and handed it to her.

She found the third chapter and skimmed down and read, "What then? are we better than they? No, in no wise: for we have before proved both Jews and Gentiles, that they are all under sin; As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one."

"That doesn't sound very hopeful to me. It sounds like we're all doomed."

"We would be if it wasn't for what follows. 'Being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in His blood, to declare His righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; To declare, I say, at this time His righteousness: that He might be just, and the justifier of Him which believeth in Jesus.' Simply said salvation is a gift from God and it's found in Jesus Christ. When we believe in Him, our sins are forgiven."

"I want to believe it's that easy, but what if I've messed up too badly?"

"That's what's so great about being saved. It's not based on anything we've done." She read another verse from the third chapter. "Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith."

"So it doesn't matter what we do as long as we believe?"

"No. It matters. " Still in the third chapter of Romans, she read, "Do we then make void the law through faith? God forbid: yea, we establish the law."

She closed the book and laid it in her lap. "Our faith is made possible through Jesus Christ and His atoning work at the cross because God's mercy is the fulfillment of the law, not the replacement. Every law relating to morality is as valid now as it was then. Right is still right and wrong is still wrong because God is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

Tears blurred his vision and more surprising to him tears blurred Sister Ruth's vision. It was a powerful image to him that this woman he barely knew was crying for him and showing him how to turn to God. She cared what he did and she cared enough to warn him about the danger he was in. This was real love.

"Will you pray with me?" he asked. "I'm not sure what to say."

"Ask Him to deliver you from the snare of your passion. Ask Him to forgive your sins and come into your heart and life to be your Lord and Savior. He'll take charge if you let Him."

So he did and he physically felt God's peace. The lightness that he felt afterward made him realize how heavy a weight he'd been carrying.

Sister Ruth hugged him. The woman was a hugger, but he didn't really mind. The motherly affection she bestowed on him was rather nice and he hoped his aunt was as affectionate. But he wasn't holding his breath.

Mercy was patiently waiting to catch her mother's attention, knowing instinctively she shouldn't interrupt.

"You need something, honey?" Ruth asked when she saw her standing there.

She grinned and it was clear the news she had to share from the empty space in her smile.

Kid held the bloody prize in his hand on a handkerchief that had stemmed the flow of blood in her mouth.

"You lost your first tooth!" Ruth exclaimed, opening her arms.

"And I wasn't even scared," she said proudly.

"We were just throwing a ball around and it fell right on out," Kid said.

"We better start digging," Ruth said. "A tooth and a bear all in the same day. What excitement!"

Mercy didn't question their task but helped her dig in the soft dirt. Isaiah did too for that matter, but then he got it in his head to taste the dirt and Kid had to pry the soil out of his hand, which set him to squalling.

They didn't make a deep hole just a few inches and Kid gave the tooth over to Mercy. "Would you like to do the honors of dropping it in?"

"Why are we planting my tooth?" Mercy asked with a scrunched up nose.

"It's just what you do with it. You don't really want to keep it, do you?" Ruth asked.

Mercy made a face that showed the thought disgusted her.

"Who knows? Maybe a tooth tree will grow," Ruth said with a grin.

"That's silly," Mercy said with a giggle, but wishing it would.

"Well, my nose smells some ready bear meat," Kid said. He picked Isaiah up like a football and took Mercy's hand. "I might have to chew it up for you like a mother bird, huh?"

"I've got other teeth, Daddy," she said, not recognizing he was kidding with her.

"Oh, good. That saves me some work," he said further teasing.

"You know I've buried something here too," Pleasant said when he was alone with Ruth. He was still staring at the freshly turned spot on the ground.

"Amen," Ruth said, putting an arm around him. "Ye put off concerning the former, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts...and ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness."

The ancient words so perfectly described his present reality. "That's it exactly. I do feel like a new person, but the question is will my aunt see the new me or the old me? I have to tell her why I had to leave."

"Of course you do, but there's no reason to worry over it whatever she sees or decides. The future's in God's hands."


	10. Chapter 10

Albuquerque had been built in the Spanish fashion with a central plaza surrounded by government buildings, home, and of course, a church.

Pleasant's stomach was turning and twisting in knots as they approached his aunt's adobe house.

"Fear thou not; for I _am_ with thee: be not dismayed; for I _am_ thy God:," Ruth began, seeing his nervousness.

"I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of My righteousness," he finished. Sister Ruth had been helping him to learn some verses by heart and with only a handful under his belt, it was already paying off for he did find strength in the words. A strength that brought his fist to the door in a knock.

His aunt was dressed in a sober gray. Her collar was higher than Sister Ruth's and Ruth's collar was by no means lacking. Her mouth was a grim line. The black beads of a rosary in her left hand suggested they'd interrupted her prayers. "Yes?"

Pleasant turned to go, giving it up for a lost cause, but Ruth reached out and stopped him with a touch of her hand.

"Are you Mrs. Hulda Santana?" she asked.

The lady nodded, but Pleasant had known that from the start as she resembled his pa too much to not be her.

"This is your nephew, Pleasant Hodgson. May we come in?"

Her face gave no signs of betrayal that she'd heard anything about his circumstances. It was unlikely a letter had gotten there before them, but it could have since horseback riders would be faster. She moved from the doorway in answer.

Their moving inside showed her Kid waiting with the children. "Is that your family?" Mrs. Santana asked.

When Ruth said that it was, she insisted that she invite them in for refreshments, showing herself to at least be a hospitable woman. Pleasant prayed the hospitality continued when she learned the truth.

Mrs. Santana gave out water to everyone to combat the hot day and introductions were made.

Pleasant didn't know how one brought up such a sensitive subject, but it was his aunt, who gave him the opening.

"Why are you here? Did something happen to your pa?" The only hint that revealed her worry was the way she rubbed the beads in her hand.

"No, he's fine. I had to leave. I-I was caught doing something I wasn't supposed to." The reason he didn't elaborate was the children.

Kid knew they needed some time alone. " Look, Mrs. Santana has a goat," he said to Mercy and Isaiah. "Why don't we go say hello?"

Ruth started to get up to go with them, but Pleasant said, "Please stay. It'll be easier if you stay." She complied though she intended to keep as much out of it as she possibly could.

Pleasant elaborated. "I was about to be hanged, the whole town was against me, Pa included, but Mr. Cole rescued me. I probably didn't deserve to be rescued, I certainly didn't feel deserving anyway, but Sister Ruth taught me about God. I'm not the same person I was, Aunt Hulda."

Her face was as unreadable as before as she asked evenly. "Well, what did you do?"

"I kissed another man. Had deep feelings for him, physically and emotionally."

Aunt Hulda quoted scripture. "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind. Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

Was that in the Bible? He definitely made the list in more than one category, but what stuck out the most was abuser of himself with mankind and effeminate. Did that mean he was barred from heaven? He looked to Sister Ruth to see how she could argue the seemingly straightforward words, but it was his aunt who answered the question as she quoted the rest.

"'And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.' A lot of folks conveniently leave out that part when they're out to condemn somebody. If the Lord cleanses you then you are clean and I defy anyone to say differently. You said you repented of that sin?"

"Yes, ma'am," Pleasant agreed at once.

"Then you have a home with me. Your pa always was pigheaded about some things. I assume that's why you're here."

He wanted to cry tears of joy. She wasn't condemning him. He'd been as judgmental as he'd expected her to be. He'd taken in her outside appearance as that of a somber Christian and assumed he knew all about her based on those limiting facts. He was ever so thankful that Ruth had encouraged not to go when they'd been at the door.

"If I stay here, you could be in danger. One man from home already tried to track me down and finish the job. " He wanted there to be no surprises.

"Let him or any other man try." Her eyes went up to above the front door where a rifle rested on wooden hooks.

He was surprised again, showing once more the foolishness of rash judgments. "I would never have guessed you owned a gun. Mr. Cole's been teaching me to use a pistol."

"And he saved my children's lives with a gun," Ruth said. "From a hungry bear."

"I'd like to hear that story," Hulda said.

Ruth had motioned to Kid through the window that he could come back in.

Hulda looked pleased to see the children again. She spoke to Mercy, "You and your brother look as if you could use a cookie to wash down that water."

Mercy nodded in response.

"What do you say?" Kid asked.

"Yes, ma'am, and thank you," Mercy said shyly.

Hulda not only got them cookies, but invited them to a meal.

Afterwards she said to Kid and Ruth, "You and your family are welcome to stay as long as you like. It's the least I can do after what you did for my nephew."

"It's the perfect time of year for crossing the mountains," Ruth said. "We want to get over them sooner rather than later. We've taken more on this side of the range than we intended."

"That's understandable." She looked relieved. Though she wasn't in poverty, the expense of 5 extra people would have caught her unprepared. Ruth had sensed that.

Pleasant walked with them to their wagon. He waited until the children were situated in the back before he spoke to Kid and Ruth. "You all not only saved my life, but my very soul. Mere words can never express my gratitude."

Ruth hugged him in reply. "God deserves the credit. We were just in the right place at the right time. And it was our joy to do it. Drop us a line if you get a chance. We're going to be wintering in El Pueblo, Lord willing. And know we'll be praying for you. You have nothing to fear."

"I'll do that. And I'm not afraid anymore. I'm learning to trust Him."

"It helps to have an aunt who knows how to shoot too, don't it?" Kid asked, clapping a friendly hand to his shoulder. Kid had made a lot of progress in the way he viewed Pleasant. "I'm really happy you got this loving men business behind you."

"But I am in love with a man. A Man from Galilee."

 _Real Universe_

Sister Ruth blinked first in disbelief and then with a compassion that surprised Kid. He settled back against his seat because he saw that she didn't intend to run from it. But she wasn't going to stay silent on the subject either and that wasn't a surprise to him.

"God still loves you both," Ruth began in gentle tones. "What you all are doing is wrong and there needs to be repentance, but He loves each one of us with an everlasting love that we can only begin to imagine."

Walt had come up against a few who either excused his behavior or who chose to look the other way and a whole lot who condemned him, but never one who spoke both with love of his person and condemnation of his sin.

Walt summed up his feelings on God for her with a poem he had written. "And I have said that the soul is not more than the body, And I have said that the body is not more than the soul, And nothing, not God, is greater to one than one's self is. . .And I say to humankind, Be not curious about God, For I who am curious about each am not curious about God. . . I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least, Nor do I understand who there can be more wonderful than myself. . . Why should I wish to see God better than this day?"

"That's one of the saddest poems I ever heard, Mr. Whitman," Ruth said in a soft voice.

"Sad, dear lady? It's not meant to be. It's meant to empower."

"Look at my husband with his consumption. Look at your own health. Our bodies are decaying. We are dying and returning to dust. We had better be more than these bodies. Or where's the hope? What's our purpose here if this is all there is?"

Walt nodded. "I could see how it would be a sad thought for some, but then death has a beauty of its own."

"You mean because it releases us from the trials of this earth?"

"Exactly."

"So you accept then that humankind is not always wonderful? For our trials here are often because of how we treat each another. And certainly nature's not always kind. If we accept there is wrong, there must be a right somewhere beyond ourselves or whatever we do would be right whether we kill, steal, or what have you. Our purpose is so much higher than serving ourselves and our whims. Any wonder found in us or nature is a credit to our Maker. I see you're ready to protest it, but you have to at least admit that love is higher than and greater than ourselves. Wouldn't you say?"

He looked over at his companion and smiled. "I suppose love is higher. I must concede my career in poetry has rather depended upon it."

"And where does love come from? It's not a thing we can see, but it is a thing we know. Some people choose to close themselves off to love. Some people choose to close themselves off to God. It's a choice you make pure and simple. And if you've done that, if you've turned away from God, you've closed yourself off from the purest, highest love there is. Because God is love."

Walt chuckled. "You would make a great poet. Or a lawyer."

She smiled. "No. I think I make a better speaker of the truth."

"Whatever satisfies the soul is truth," Walt said.

"Maybe, but only one thing will satisfy the soul. Jesus Christ. Don't confuse the body with the soul for that will lead you astray. Love ain't just passion. We are broken creatures all of us, who can't always tell right from wrong on our own. And though you may be able discern some things about God from His handiwork, it's in His Word you'll find the truth. Hard truth sometimes, but beauteous truth. Don't ever lose your curiosity about God because those who seek will find. Know Him better and you'll know love better. You'll discover the God of the Bible, not the God of your imagination."

"Maybe I will dust the old Bible off when I get to my brother's," he said with a smile that said he was only humoring her. He was listening, but he wasn't hearing.

Sister Ruth quoted scripture. "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in His sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of Him."

"Perhaps that's why people fear reading it," Walt joked, but there was truth in that statement.

"Perhaps it is."

The End


End file.
